I wonder if any creative people can relate to living in the mystery. We all beat to the same drum … but obviously with distinct drum beats, omnifarious rhythms, on various days and planets. But I wonder if you live in the mystery too?
I had an epiphany this morning while making a cup of coffee.
I was thinking about a friend who had just completed her first block of Prac Teaching (Pre-teaching Professional Experience). She is joyous because the experience has confirmed her calling to teach. I’m so happy for her. She knows her calling – I love that! I was thinking about how relieved I was to discover, early on in my education to become a teacher, that school teaching is not my calling!
And I just realised that that means I CAN RULE OUT PLAN B! Which means I made a decision! Which means I actually know something about my calling! I know for certain that it is not Plan B!
Teaching had always been my Plan B … if Plan A doesn’t work out. And now I know without a doubt, that Plan B is not for me. And I get to live Plan A! Plan A is the best plan, the most amazing plan. I love Plan A. Plan A fills me with joy just thinking about it! Plan A is my calling.
But Plan A has been a huge problem for me. Because … I am not exactly sure what it is! I have spent countless nights laying awake trying to work it out. I have cried and agonised over it. I have wasted time searching for it. I have thought, maybe this, maybe that, tried this, tried that. And it is a complete mystery to me. But for some reason it is the only plan I want to live. Because, it’s not my plan, it’s His.
Plan A is dreams and visions and wondering and creating and dreaming again. Plan A is an absolute mystery. Plan A is where I live … in the story … the story being written about me. I’m not the author and I don’t know how it’s going to end. I don’t know the next chapter, I don’t even know what’s on the next page.
But I know the author. I know that he is good. I know that he knows the plan from beginning to end. He knows the victories. He knows the successes. He knows the failures too. And he knows me.
So for now, I choose to live in the mystery. I choose to trust the author. The page right now is pretty interesting. I am studying the culture and history of the Ancient Near East. I am travelling to the Middle-East before Christmas. I am working in Education Support and befriending some pretty needy kids. I am discovering some things that I love and some things that make me so mad. I have a novel in my mind to write and I have a children’s book in the drawer to send to a publisher.
They say that today’s average young person will have 12-15 careers in their lifetime. Man! I’m no average person! I’m going to have hundreds of pages in my lifetime! I’ve probably done a hundred already.
But today, all I know is what’s on today’s page. I have no idea what will happen when I turn it. I’m living in the middle of an amazing story! And I choose to live in the mystery.